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Loveless

Nov. 30th, 2006 | 06:51 pm
location: Home
mood: nauseatednauseated
music: .hack//SIGN - Fake Wings

I've not made a public entry in awhile, so I thought I would today.

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On Tuesday we had Jazz Band. I love Jazz Band. I love Mr.Freisz. I never meant to disappoint him.

I just... Can't...

I can't play my sax lately.
Something's just wrong with me. I can't think straight, either. I'm just so... Anxiety!

The anxiety of everything is getting to me. Everything..!

Everything went bad all at once.

It's not like I just have one little problem. They're a whole bunch of little problems all stacking on top of each other, and wavering in the wind, about to squish whatever's beside them.

I can't believe I did that. I didn't play ANY of my solo, because I froze up, and then couldn't find my spot again. Then I came in at 101 instead of 109. I was eight measures off. EIGHT!

Mr.Freisz... He... He even asked me if I forgot my music. And he looked angry that I came late. And... Well, a lot of things... I really...

No... No...!

Mr.Freisz was supposed to be the one person who I could trust to trust me!

I'm sorry, Mr.Freisz... I am! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...!

Will he forgive me..? I feel like crying. Mr.Freisz has always been the only one to really expect anything out of me. Now I don't... Have... Anyone...

Other people don't really think I'm particularly bad at much, so it's not like I can say that I can end up proving anyone wrong about anything because there's nothing I can prove them wrong about.

In English class, Mr.Jennings and Gifford always smile about,"I'LL SHOW YOUUU!!"-ness. I wish I could feel that way. But I'm more like ignored, rather than bullied.

But I try not to think about that class. It's depressing. Mr.Jennings is difficult to understand. His facial expressions don't make any sense... I know he doesn't like me, but it doesn't make it any more easy to take when he says things generally to us that directly apply to myself.

He said something like,"Well, I see there are students who actually worked who aren't done yet, so I guess you guys can work again tomorrow."

I would've thrown my mechanical pencil at his head as hard as I could if I had any confidence in my dart-throwing skills.

He thinks I'm a slacker, doesn't he. A depressing slacker that only sees things in a pessimistic way.

That's always how I seem... But am I really that depressing? I don't think I am. I talk about a lot of depressing things, and I think a lot of depressing things, but I don't really believe in many depressing things.

And it's also... Well...

Consider a happy moment you could have. Like laying by the fireplace, talking to your best friend or something. You think,"Wow, I'm so happy right now." But then, you realize,"Wow, I'm really going to miss this."

And that feeling just sticks. It never goes away. I'm always excited to see my friends in my morning.

I had a really bad feeling about taking the classes I'm taking this semester. I already knew what was going to happen before it did. I didn't know how, and I tried my hardest to prevent it... But...

It's all happened. Mr.Freisz has no faith in me, Mr.Jennings doesn't like me, I'm doing terrible in chemistry, and I keep forgetting to do my Spanish homework. I probably have a B in there.

We have a test tomorrow in Spanish. I'll do well, as long as I review what I've learned before I take it. I really can't remember what llevar or llueve mean.

It's the Chemistry tests I'm worried about. Stoichiometry test tomorrow. And another equation balancing test. I need to study.

I'm going to fail, aren't I? My first B is going to lead to my first F.

I wouldn't be doing so badly if I had a partner. But I took Chemistry instead of Forensics. All of my friends are in Forensics.

They're only a room away, then. I miss them. I can't concentrate. I'm the only one in Honors Chemistry that doesn't have a partner. It makes me lonely. I'm usually lonely, but that makes it even worse.

My friends come out of forensics looking like good students who are feeling socially adept.

I come out of chemistry looking like a nervous breakdown.

We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.

We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow. We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow. We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow...

Tomorrow...






---------------

Futoku's Friend Fusion
...MY right arm feels numb. My... start taking a change of clothes... what if he wants me to... will be done today as well.... stayed at the Best Western Royal... Weever, his cousin or something. The... Nor of any gaia avatars. So... of blood every 2 hours? Nyeehhh!... What...? What...? ... have requested has been disconnected. Go...
Username:
Friend Fusion by Hutta.




Futoku's Friend Fusion
...now I'm really upset/worrined beacause I... two and she was three. Her... Not thinking about anything except what... journal you have requested has been... him or scene him in 9... POOL DOESN'T HAVE ANY LIGHTS. (I... brag about how you know all... No point in you being here....I... life has been like 'wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee', it's... ...
Username:
Friend Fusion by Hutta.

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Loveless

Oct. 15th, 2006 | 09:14 pm





What celestial choir do you resonate?

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Loveless

Sep. 30th, 2006 | 02:58 pm

xD

Funniness:

"My music teacher I had a crush on said that trumpet players make excellent kissers...and she played the trumpet."

"And the trumpet players being good kissers myth isn't true.
I play trumpet and I'll just kinda' put my mouth on your face.
Kinda' gross. Kinda' cute, to some people."


XDD That's so funny. The image brought up by the second quote. XDDD

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Loveless

Sep. 28th, 2006 | 04:24 pm

Read chemistry
Finish reading A Seperate Peace

... That seems like so much more homework than it really is.

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Loveless

Sep. 24th, 2006 | 12:03 pm

I thought it was the cutest picture I've seen in a long time, so I decided to LJ it. ^___^







Are you a Sadist or a Masochist? How lethal? (PICS)




You're a subtle masochist. You enjoy cuts, bruises, and blood. Lots of blood. You're one who would cut and than show your best friend, and anyone else who's willing to listen. You think it's cool, and not in the fad meaning. You think it's cool like blood and things. People might think you need help, that you're depressed or something, but it just makes you feel better, and you like playing with sharp things is all!
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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Loveless

Sep. 14th, 2006 | 08:59 pm

Today in English, I was saying all of the situations where Gene hints that Finny desires a romance between them... So I was quoting from the book, aloud to my group.

Me: ... Sexual secrets...

Joel: *like. trips sideways out of desk with a "What?!"*

Class: *goes silent for like 2 seconds, then resumes*

Me: ...Pleasurable...

Class: *goes SILENT until I finish my sentence*

Me: Whe..n.. Finny is.. on top of him... *laughing nervously*

My group: *looks disgusted*

Me: . . . *doesn't say anything for the rest of the class period*

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Loveless

Sep. 5th, 2006 | 09:13 pm

Suweetu.

My bedtime got upped to 9:30 PM instead of 9 PM. :D

xO Now I can actually take my time washing my face at night...

And getting last-minute homework done. ;)

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Loveless

Aug. 21st, 2006 | 06:31 pm

THIS GAME IS SO FUN. XD

Or, at least, it kept my attention for 30 minutes. o__O

Maybe I was just bored...

Anyway.

http://www.blifaloo.com/games/xraye.php

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Reminds me of that Sweet 16 show

Jul. 25th, 2006 | 03:12 pm

You know that Sweet 16 episode that has the girl coming out of the dressing room with an odd dress, and the mom laughing her head off and saying she looks like a man?

That's how my dad is.

I came home from my final drive, not having been allowed to practice at all, even when there were perfect oppurtunities, my dad was all like, "NO!" and acted all stupid and kid-like.

Anyway. That doesn't matter, that's just me ranting. :P

I did second best out of 30+ kids on my final drive test.

Quoting the driver's ed teacher roughly, "Vast improvement for the girl who couldn't drive (originally)."

I was the only one who hadn't driven before driver's ed. So doing so well made me cheerful.

(( My ego didn't have a balloon-reaction, it just inflated from an empty state. ))

So I come home, and I tell my dad, determined to inform him that I'm superior to what he thinks of me.

After I tell him, his first response was, "I'm assuming there are only two kids in the class...?"

I so wanted to shove a disease-infected dagger down his throat. Then he wouldn't be able to talk to me.

Like always, he reminded me of the 16-year-old kids in my classes at school.

*sigh*

Except, I sort of wish that they /would/ talk to me a little more. I get along with anyone who gets along with me. :s

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:D yey

Jul. 6th, 2006 | 11:24 pm

Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll tell you something I like about you
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
6. If I do this for you, you [should] post this on yours

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