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I've not made a public entry in awhile, so I thought I would today.

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On Tuesday we had Jazz Band. I love Jazz Band. I love Mr.Freisz. I never meant to disappoint him.

I just... Can't...

I can't play my sax lately. Something's just wrong with me. I can't think straight, either. I'm just so... Anxiety!

The anxiety of everything is getting to me. Everything..!

Everything went bad all at once.

It's not like I just have one little problem. They're a whole bunch of little problems all stacking on top of each other, and wavering in the wind, about to squish whatever's beside them.

I can't believe I did that. I didn't play ANY of my solo, because I froze up, and then couldn't find my spot again. Then I came in at 101 instead of 109. I was eight measures off. EIGHT!

Mr.Freisz... He... He even asked me if I forgot my music. And he looked angry that I came late. And... Well, a lot of things... I really...

No... No...!

Mr.Freisz was supposed to be the one person who I could trust to trust me!

I'm sorry, Mr.Freisz... I am! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...!

Will he forgive me..? I feel like crying. Mr.Freisz has always been the only one to really expect anything out of me. Now I don't... Have... Anyone...

Other people don't really think I'm particularly bad at much, so it's not like I can say that I can end up proving anyone wrong about anything because there's nothing I can prove them wrong about.

In English class, Mr.Jennings and Gifford always smile about,"I'LL SHOW YOUUU!!"-ness. I wish I could feel that way. But I'm more like ignored, rather than bullied.

But I try not to think about that class. It's depressing. Mr.Jennings is difficult to understand. His facial expressions don't make any sense... I know he doesn't like me, but it doesn't make it any more easy to take when he says things generally to us that directly apply to myself.

He said something like,"Well, I see there are students who actually worked who aren't done yet, so I guess you guys can work again tomorrow."

I would've thrown my mechanical pencil at his head as hard as I could if I had any confidence in my dart-throwing skills.

He thinks I'm a slacker, doesn't he. A depressing slacker that only sees things in a pessimistic way.

That's always how I seem... But am I really that depressing? I don't think I am. I talk about a lot of depressing things, and I think a lot of depressing things, but I don't really believe in many depressing things.

And it's also... Well...

Consider a happy moment you could have. Like laying by the fireplace, talking to your best friend or something. You think,"Wow, I'm so happy right now." But then, you realize,"Wow, I'm really going to miss this."

And that feeling just sticks. It never goes away. I'm always excited to see my friends in my morning.

I had a really bad feeling about taking the classes I'm taking this semester. I already knew what was going to happen before it did. I didn't know how, and I tried my hardest to prevent it... But...

It's all happened. Mr.Freisz has no faith in me, Mr.Jennings doesn't like me, I'm doing terrible in chemistry, and I keep forgetting to do my Spanish homework. I probably have a B in there.

We have a test tomorrow in Spanish. I'll do well, as long as I review what I've learned before I take it. I really can't remember what llevar or llueve mean.

It's the Chemistry tests I'm worried about. Stoichiometry test tomorrow. And another equation balancing test. I need to study.

I'm going to fail, aren't I? My first B is going to lead to my first F.

I wouldn't be doing so badly if I had a partner. But I took Chemistry instead of Forensics. All of my friends are in Forensics.

They're only a room away, then. I miss them. I can't concentrate. I'm the only one in Honors Chemistry that doesn't have a partner. It makes me lonely. I'm usually lonely, but that makes it even worse.

My friends come out of forensics looking like good students who are feeling socially adept.

I come out of chemistry looking like a nervous breakdown.

We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.

We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow. We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow. We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow.We have a stoichiometry test tomorrow...

Tomorrow...






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Futoku's Friend Fusion

...MY right arm feels numb. My... start taking a change of clothes... what if he wants me to... will be done today as well.... stayed at the Best Western Royal... Weever, his cousin or something. The... Nor of any gaia avatars. So... of blood every 2 hours? Nyeehhh!... What...? What...? ... have requested has been disconnected. Go...

Username: Friend Fusion by Hutta.

Futoku's Friend Fusion

...now I'm really upset/worrined beacause I... two and she was three. Her... Not thinking about anything except what... journal you have requested has been... him or scene him in 9... POOL DOESN'T HAVE ANY LIGHTS. (I... brag about how you know all... No point in you being here....I... life has been like 'wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee', it's... ...

Username: Friend Fusion by Hutta.

xD

Funniness:

"My music teacher I had a crush on said that trumpet players make excellent kissers...and she played the trumpet."

"And the trumpet players being good kissers myth isn't true.
I play trumpet and I'll just kinda' put my mouth on your face.
Kinda' gross. Kinda' cute, to some people."


XDD That's so funny. The image brought up by the second quote. XDDD

Read chemistry
Finish reading A Seperate Peace

... That seems like so much more homework than it really is.

I thought it was the cutest picture I've seen in a long time, so I decided to LJ it. ^___^

Today in English, I was saying all of the situations where Gene hints that Finny desires a romance between them... So I was quoting from the book, aloud to my group.

Me: ... Sexual secrets...

Joel: *like. trips sideways out of desk with a "What?!"*

Class: *goes silent for like 2 seconds, then resumes*

Me: ...Pleasurable...

Class: *goes SILENT until I finish my sentence*

Me: Whe..n.. Finny is.. on top of him... *laughing nervously*

My group: *looks disgusted*

Me: . . . *doesn't say anything for the rest of the class period*

Suweetu.

My bedtime got upped to 9:30 PM instead of 9 PM. :D

xO Now I can actually take my time washing my face at night...

And getting last-minute homework done. ;)

THIS GAME IS SO FUN. XD

Or, at least, it kept my attention for 30 minutes. o__O

Maybe I was just bored...

Anyway.

http://www.blifaloo.com/games/xraye.php

You know that Sweet 16 episode that has the girl coming out of the dressing room with an odd dress, and the mom laughing her head off and saying she looks like a man?

That's how my dad is.

I came home from my final drive, not having been allowed to practice at all, even when there were perfect oppurtunities, my dad was all like, "NO!" and acted all stupid and kid-like.

Anyway. That doesn't matter, that's just me ranting. :P

I did second best out of 30+ kids on my final drive test.

Quoting the driver's ed teacher roughly, "Vast improvement for the girl who couldn't drive (originally)."

I was the only one who hadn't driven before driver's ed. So doing so well made me cheerful.

(( My ego didn't have a balloon-reaction, it just inflated from an empty state. ))

So I come home, and I tell my dad, determined to inform him that I'm superior to what he thinks of me.

After I tell him, his first response was, "I'm assuming there are only two kids in the class...?"

I so wanted to shove a disease-infected dagger down his throat. Then he wouldn't be able to talk to me.

Like always, he reminded me of the 16-year-old kids in my classes at school.

*sigh*

Except, I sort of wish that they /would/ talk to me a little more. I get along with anyone who gets along with me. :s

Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll tell you something I like about you
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
6. If I do this for you, you [should] post this on yours

Joel-- I make it a point to never talk to him.. XD He's too scaaaarrryyy... But I still can't help but drool; he plays Bassoon, Tenor saxophone, AND piano! One day in English, he was laying down like... like.. err, I can't really explain. XD But that was really hawt. ;O; I wish I was him! I'm going to miss him next year when he's off at Running Start (I'm assuming, since he got information.). NOW who will I stalk? People worthy of stalking will be gone!


Cameron-- We talked some in English last year, some this year... He's nice. =3


Reva-- I don't know. o.o; She just seems to have a really heavy/depressing presence.


Candice-- =3 She... Haha.. She's just Candice. I was friends with her in 8th grade, so I like her, of course. She didn't think it was weird that I always wore ugly clothes and was always really nervous.


Nick-- Eeehehehehe.... O.o;.. ^__^' He's a lot like Candice.


Lainey-- Laineh, laineeehhh! She's cheerful. =D


John-- I tryyy to talk to him, he just won't anymore. o.o; We used to be cool in PE last year... ;.; Stupid John!


Eric-- He's.. Amusing? Do I really talk about him all the time, or does he just notice all the time? XD I talk about a lot of people in the same room.... Do THEY notice? O.o;

AAAuugh, speaking of that... The next time Jessica refers to a male in the same room as my boyfriend, I will kill her. Because I find most people attractive (( In example, there are only 2 people in CP English I'd not consider to be attractive. o-o' )), she thinks that I LIKE everyone. If I need something, like a stapler and she doesn't know, she'll be like, "Ask your boyfriend. =P" When we're like 2 feet away! Or if I compliment someone on their outfit, she'll be like, "Jaaiiimmiieee, don't rape themmmm! Stay away from girls and little boys!"

*pop goes the weasel*

My Cp English 11 Entrance Essay... AAAHH!!! What will I write???

Ok.. I think I.. Might have it... o~o

=3 I got spanish done...

And I just remembered that Sr.Bivens said he'd give us a good grade if we just wrote alot, and put some effort in.. ^__^

Me encanta Señor Bivens y las mangos! <3

Sr.Bivens es friends con Mr.Freisz. =D That's kind of weird, huh?

Hmm.... *not panic-ing anymore*

Yeah, Bio was just blah. I used Glycine for ACID because I was just like, "Whatever..." O.o;

Time to check over my math!

The final will be easy... ^^;

We'll do well on our Choir concert... Except it's still irritating how Logan and the other first altos don't know their part still... =(

I wonder how the Band concert will be? Probably bad, the other saxes still aren't marcato-ing and staccato-ing often enough, even where it is clearly marked and the trumpets are articulating the same.

=( Why don't they listen to the rest of the band? It sounds weird when we play taaaahhhtaaaahhhhtaaaaah and the trumpets are like ta ta ta ta....

--

Edit:

*sigh*

I was right. I messed up an angle somehow. o_o....

*uses online triangle solver* :3 Ssshhh...

Uhhhh....

Man, what?

I don't get math. I totally forgot to pay attention when Worby was explaining, something about the circumference of a wheel and transmission factor and something else? o_o;

And... T'day's... Is like... Eeaaaaaeeeeuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh, 'cause I don't get yesterday's. o.o;

Just when I start thinking Mr.Freisz doesn't hate me, he does something to make me think he hates me.

@__@;

Like Jazz Band.

Freisz: *says something about sectionals, and points out section leaders*
Me: *stares at paper*
Freisz: Leaders can help their sections with rythms and notes... If you hear your section playing somthing wrong, raise your hand, the band will stop, and you can address it.

*pause*

Freisz: *looks down* Don't be mean, Jaimie... Hah.... Hah............
Me: *half-smiles, unsure if the Hah meant that he was joking or if he thinks I'm secretly evil*

THEN LIKE. He read my paper in Band. But he looked... Confused?? While he read it. Why'd he read it, anyway? It didn't have much of an effect, and he didn't emphasize any points like he did with the other papers.

Then in choir. He usually sits by the tenors. But he sat RIGHT BEHIND ME. No one sits in the third row! He had a contemplating look on his face. Like... The kind he gets when we screw up in band. Or when he doesn't like something. Or when he's trying to figure something out.

So I started in the wrong place like twice, and got confuzzled on another part. Augh. Freisz must've totally heard me screw up... I'm usually the second loudest alto. And I really don't know how to sing! I'm like a screeching cat with alzheimers and tuberculosis. A bad combo.

Ohmygod. PARANOIA.

Is he paranoia-ing me on PURPOSE?

Does he realize how vague his emotions are?!

It's like OMG HE'S GOING TO MURDER ME with that glare... Why's he telling me to play louder? Now he's telling me to not be cocky? And to not be mean? I wasn't being mean!! Freiisz, you're SO scary!! You smiled at me that one day, but then that other day you were like, "Do you want to COUNT the UNIFORMS NOW?" and you've yelled at me indirectly sooo many times! And then in the little grades, you'd yell at me all the time, and look disappointed most the time and... GAHHH. And then one day he was telling me that he was going to put the sax sections music in my cubby, and I was like, "Okay." and he looked at me like I was retarded!

Oh, man. I've been relaxing all weekend, now today's time to panic and get my... Wait, homework? I think I only have a little bit of Math.

^__^ YEAAAH! I can play my sax more... XD...

Okay, really, I'm not obsessing. It's just... It bugs me that my reed is too weak. It makes me sound like BLARF.

Becaause, I usually make things sound like they're ill, not blarf. So it's gotta be that the reed is too weak that's making me sound like this.

I mean, it's a Legere #2! People told me I should probably be using a 3, but 3's seem too hard-- I can barely play, and it sounds like a whole lotta air instead of note.

So I guess I should try 2.5 and 2.25 strengths...

(( Another $40 down the draiinnn.... But it's worth it. ;D ))

Duude. XD I made a program on my spiffy Texas Instruments calculator that is BETTER than Adam's, because the numbers will always be positive.

It's like v

WHATS YA NUMBER?
NUMBER #

JAIMIE IS
#
TIMES CUTER
THAN YOU.
(pause, press enter)
SO HAH.

Wheeee... Hey, I should make an original program. Hmm... One that deals with age, maybe.. ^__^ Haha... Ask me about it on Monday, I'll show you a program you've nevah seen before!

Heh. I just felt like saying that.

I actually don't like it that much. o.o... But the name is so fun to just randomly blurt, it's like, "NACHES! But wait... o.o Jazz in Naches???"

In Band...

Clarinets and Flutes: *try to play Masquerade part*
Freisz: Now, listen to what it sounds like with everyone else playing.
Saxes: *play part that clarinets and flutes tried to play*
Guy, something like: I heard the saxes playing our part! ( We don't need to learn it! )
Freisz: No, what you heard was the saxes TRYING to play it.

Later in the day...

Lainey and Danni: *talking about something*
Lainey: *turns to me* SAXES ARE GAYYY!

While Lainey was blowing hair off of the table...

Me: Geez, you flute.
Lainey: At least I'm not a sax. XP

--

I. Am going to kill someone.

this is zume and im in the wrong journal, but i share some of futoku's lj friends, so this is kind of like posting to a community! futoku is in the other room playing solid snake 3. today i bought the latest ddr game and zen..i mean futoku, immediatly knew how to play it. i have a ways to go before i'll play it in public. futoku's room is so messy and a giant stuffed pikachu is looking me up and down.

ZumeOut



ddr jokes. (i didnt check the following, i cant be blamed for content)....
( Read more... )

Masquerade!
Grinning yellows,
spinning reds . . .
Masquerade!
Take your fill -
let the spectacle
astound you!
Masquerade!
Burning glances,
turning heads . . .
Masquerade!
Stop and stare
at the sea of smiles
around you!
Masquerade!

~ It's an engagement, not a crime ~

XD I used to hate that song... But since we've played it in band so many times, it's like my favourite Phantom song now.

Walking around the house in my silky jammies, playing Masquerade on my sax. ^___^;;